Was that punny? Probably. I decided to take the last two weeks off without notice and it was probably the best thing I’ve done for myself in a long time. Life has thrown a lot of curve balls since December 2 when my father-in-law passed away and the only way for me to process everything has been with time.
After he passed away, my aunt passed, I went on a couple of job interviews, had food poisoning, thought I’d torn my rotator cuff (always fun), and finally, two weeks ago, my sister-in-law passed away. While she’d been battling stage four metastatic breast cancer, and we were very aware of how precarious her health was, it still hit like a ton of bricks.
Now, take a deep breath with me. Because let me tell you something, that’s what I’ve been doing. Breathing deep. Letting go. Just being. I was walking around, numb from the neck up. What they say really is true, there are some days the only way you can make it is by going through the motions and that’s what I did my friends.
I think all of this has been more difficult to process in the age of social media, and quite frankly, I had to tune out. During the month of December, I had 12 friends who lost a parent, or an in-law. That’s a large number, and we were all on Facebook sharing our grief and it finally got to be too much. I chose to log out from all of my accounts, deleted the apps from my phone, and spent time in quiet contemplation, facing my mortality.
Facing your own mortality sucks. Yet it is very much a necessary part of life. For most of us, death is another part of life, and not something we give a whole lot of thought. Funerals are very regimented. Gone, for the most part, are the days of wakes being held in the house. Clocks stopped. Mirrors covered. Someone sitting watch 24 hours a day.
I grew up in a very large extended family. If memory serves, I had 26 great-aunts and uncles, 3 still living. Throw in their spouses, 2.5 kids, and our viewings in the evenings would last 4-6 hours or more. Now a days most folks only have a viewing an hour before the funeral at the Church or Mortuary. Funerals are also being held off for an extended length of time. My father-in-law’s burial won’t take place for five more months at Arlington National Cemetery. I’m pretty sure this is really messing with the grieving process, but there’s nothing you can do when there is quite literally a national back log of thousands of people waiting for their final resting place.
My girlfriend, Jessica Rubin Cohen, and I discussed the Jewish tradition of making a Shiva Call during this time. While I won’t go into all of the nitty gritty details, it does remind me a lot of what we do here in the South. Her wisdom really helped me with my own clarity when she said, “Shiva is actually a really nice tradition, because when the seven days have passed, you realize that you have survived a week without your loved one and it gives you hope that you can move on.”
That’s what I’m doing. I’m moving on. Never forgetting, but it’s time to let peace into my life, and let my breath fill me with it’s newness. As for me, I don’t want a lot when my time to exit this rock comes. Put me in a wooden box and throw a party. Make sure you serve good bourbon, play bluegrass music, and celebrate life. That’s all this gal wants.
