While browsing through the bajillion channels I have on our ultimate, schmultimate TV package I saw that the Home Shopping Channel was showcasing Martha Stewart Crafts. Hoping for an hour of the Doyenne of ALL that is Domestic (Martha, you really need that on a t-shirt, just sayin’) I tuned in, much to the dismay of my ever patient husband. (Our anniversary is tomorrow, I’m pretty sure he didn’t say anything to humor me). Heck, even to my dismay. I don’t watch Reality TV or shopping channels. I’m trying to figure out where to place blame, but I’m sure it has to be because Martha is all powerful and was using some sort of Jedi mind-trick on me.
— Lisa Frame (@Daily_Pinch) September 18, 2013
I took to Twitter, because that’s what we do in The Land of Social Media, to talk about Martha on HSN. And to express my horror that I, @daily_pinch, was watching a shopping channel. Right after I did, something spooky happened. MARTHA EMAILED ME. Not really. It was just a newsletter. But it’s like SHE KNOWS. She’s watching me. She’s watching you. Martha is watching all of us.
Sadly, Martha wasn’t on. Yet the ladies from HSN were crafting with her very tasteful, well-made goodies. I knew instantly that if they could craft with Martha’s products, an over-achieving, under-talented crafter like moi could certainly create something fabulous. And for the next hour, I squawked over every single item shown.
Turns out, I’m not alone. My friends love Martha just as much as I do.
You see, as a Southern gal, there are certain expectations we are supposed to live up to. When your Mother visits, you’d best make sure your baseboards are clean. When Grandma visits, I certainly hope you’ve cleaned inside the window sills. If the in-laws are visiting, you can get by with Grandma clean and tossing some stuff in the closet. But this is Martha, people. Martha. She has expectations that have left me in a cleaning, crafting, cooking, gardening, organizing tizzy. We can’t disappoint her.
They talk about Pinterest syndrome where people suffer because they can’t achieve the levels of perfection of their perfectly pinned Pinterest boards. Do you know what I say to that? Pinterest, Schminterest. This is Martha we’re talking about. If it’s not Martha perfect, there is no hope for you. You’ll be forever banished to the clearance bin of domesticity.
What is our Martha hang-up? Let’s put it this way, Martha is a first-class broad. She was a model. A trader on Wall Street. Sure, there was that insider trading incident, but Martha did more than others in that situation. She served her time and I’m quite sure everyone was thankful for her talents. She’s also in her 70’s and pretty forthright about dating and her womanly needs.
So Martha, if you ever looking to mentor a gal like me, I’ll take you up on it. While no one can replace you, we can strive to have a little more of you in our lives.