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Fat Girl Walking by Brittany Gibbons: A Review

May 17, 2015 by Lisa Leave a Comment

This is supposed to be a book review of “Fat Girl Walking” by Brittany Gibbons which is coming out in stores and online Tuesday, May 19th. I’ve read it four times since Thursday, May 14. (I’m a freakishly fast reader.) But I don’t know how much of a review this is, as it is a soul searching look into myself. You see, Brittany has taken everything I have ever felt about being a fat girl walking down the street and scrubbed it with sandpaper until I am raw and pink. I feel like a newborn who has been shot out into the waiting arms of parents who soon realize they have given birth to an angry squirrel.

This book will lead you down into your own personal rabbit hole and it is a good thing. We either avoid our rabbit hole or we stay in it out of fear. I know where I stay and my rabbit hole is about as funky as the jeans you’ve been wearing for a week that can now stand on their own.

First things first, Brittany Gibbons is as honest and funny as the day is long. I sat on my front porch the first time I read “Fat Girl Walking.” My neighbors who were out for a walk moved to the other side of the street because they thought I was in the midst of a psychotic break, complete with tears streaming down my cheeks, red faced and gasping for air. A teenager with a middle-aged gay best friend who has a white cockatoo that swears in French and drinks lowball glasses of scotch would make Jim Dial crack a smile. (If you don’t know who Jim Dial is, go to YouTube and search for Jim Dial and Murphy Brown. Please don’t tell me if you have to. I’m afraid you’ll send me straight to my first Botox appointment and I’m not sure my accountant would let me deduct it off of my taxes.)

Gibbons relives her chilhood pain — her father’s accident, name calling from her peers, and cheerleader tryouts. She shares her struggles with anxiety and the physical and emotional affects it had on her as a child and as an adult. As she lets you into her head, you realize how much she is in yours. You find parts of you in her book and find yourself noddng along, wanting to curl up next to her so you can cry and heal.

It’s that life-changing book that you want to read. Because I learned something from Brittany Gibbons and I think it is the most important lesson in this book: I want to be the woman they adjust the shots for. While you won’t have full context for that statement until you have read the book, you will soon after. I have cried my eyes out, reading that line over and over, writing it on scraps of paper and sobbed it on my husband’s shoulder. (The mascara stains are going to be hell to get out of his white dress shirt.)

Personal take-aways from “Fat Girl Walking,” complete with inner monologue.

You’re not as thin as you think you are

It doesn’t matter how good you look today, on the internet, someone is going to take the wind out of your sails. That’s a nice way of saying they’re going either stop reading you or start calling you names. Most of the time, it’s both. Which is why I don’t put pictures of myself on the Internet, because believe me, you don’t want to see me looking like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man on my recent farm tours — it’s a sexy that only livestock appreciates, and then only if I am holding feed.

Can I be honest? I’m terrified. Of what you will think. What others will think. And I know that at the end of the day, it only matters what I think and how I feel, but when you’re 42, peri-menopausal, and are crying because there is a large zit in the middle of your giant forehead wrinkle, life gets confusing. Do I jump into a Slayer a mosh pit or sit in my rocking chair and complain about my aching lower back?

Taking Charge

Brittany’s second rule of being fat on the Internet is taking charge of your fat on the Internet. You’re in charge of your life and you have to set terms, whether they are for you, or for others.

That really is so much easier said that done and B has done it well. I’m terrified. Which is why I want to curl up under a duvet with her. Maybe I should just give her the password to my blog and let her go click publish on all of the posts I have sitting in draft about this subject.

The Fourth Trimester

Pregnancy does a number your body. I think we’d both like to know the real deal from Gisele and the rest of the Victoria Secret’s models who’ve given birth. They look great on the outside, but is their underwear hiding the multitude of pregnancy/childbirth induced problems our granny panties do?

Shut Up

While I don’t have a daughter, I found that what I do regarding my weight and figure affected my son as well. For all young ladies and gentlemen I encounter, there is no “F” word. That word is “fat.” I feel the other “F” word is much more respectable.

I also avoid self-deprcating humor regarding weight as it really bothers my son and husband.

Last Cake Ever

How many “tomorrow I will eat healthy” and then you get close and personal with your friend Sara Lee? The sugar crash is hell and Krispy Kreme has the “hot doughnuts now” sign on.

Fat Shaming

It is a real thing — which is why I’m still working up the guts to be a fat woman on the Internet. That being said, skinny shaming is just as bad. We are all real women.

Mollusks

I’ll never look at a scallop the same way again. Want to know why? You’ll find out in Chapter 8. In other news, snorting water forcefully up your nose from a highball glass would be a lot better if the salt from your neti pot was already mixed in.

ABOUT:

Fat Girl Walking isn’t a diet book. It isn’t one of those former fat people memoirs about how someone battled, and won, in the fight against fat. Brittany doesn’t lose all the weight and reveal the happy, skinny girl that’s been hiding inside her. Instead, she reminds us that being chubby doesn’t mean you’ll end up alone, unhappy, or the subject of a cable medical show. What’s important is learning to love your shape. With her infectious humor and soul-baring honesty, Fat Girl Walking reveals a life full of the same heartbreak, joy, oddity, awkwardness, and wonder as anyone else’s. Just with better snacks.

Brittany Gibbons is the author of the blog “Brittany, Herself,” a body image advocate, model, author, TED speaker, media personality, internet catalyst, curve flaunter, comedian, adult summer camp owner, fashion hoarder and eater of the cold Chinese take-out in the fridge.

Want to hear more from Brittany?

Check out http://brittanyherself.com

Tweet her: https://twitter.com/brittanyherself

IG with her: https://instagram.com/brittanyherself/

Facebook with her: https://www.facebook.com/CurvyGirlGuide

Disclosure: I was sent two copies of “Fat Girl Walking” from Harper Collins and am so very thankful.

Calvin Klein and the Plus-Size Model Debate

November 12, 2014 by Lisa 5 Comments

On Monday the Twitterverse went nuts with the whole Calvin Klein “plus-sized” model debate. Even I had some choice things to say offline. As it was still on my mind when I woke up this morning, I decided it was time to research the matter and delve into the real deal.

We all owe Calvin some apologies.

Let’s talk about the fashion world. Designer outfits are created around a live, in-house skeleton called a “fit-model.” These women are very thin, waif-like, and let’s face it, clothes hang on them as if they were a clothes hanger. Which is what designers want when sending their fashion lines down the runway.

Do I agree with it? No. But it’s how things are done and they’re not going to listen to a fat chick with a serious case of fashion lust.

Model Myla Dalbesio is a size 10. If she were shopping at Target, Old Navy, etc., she’d probably be a size 6 due to sizing discrepancies. She was hired to promote the new range of lingerie with other “normal” sized models. Yes, I said “normal.” It’s in quotes, because we all know my opinion on the human body and that every body is beautiful, no matter what shape, size or color.

I was her size the first time I went on a diet for being “too fat.” I wish I were kidding you. I was also a size 10 at 5’5″ tall, so my height made me look “dumpy,” compared to relatives and friends.

Where did this come from? From Ms. Dalbesio herself. She was recently interviewed by Elle magazine about being in the campaign “I’m in the middle,” she said. “I’m not skinny enough to be with the skinny girls and I’m not large enough to be with the large girls and I haven’t been able to find my place. This [campaign] was such a great feeling.”

Calvin never said she was a plus-sized addition to this campaign. What he did say in a statement was “these images are intended to communicate that our new line is more inclusive and available in several silhouettes in an extensive range of sizes.”

An extensive size of ranges. Who would have thought a designer would want to offer more sizing options to fulfill a need in the clothing market. It’s unheard of.

What she is is a breath of fresh air. A woman other women can relate to as “the average American woman.” While she’s not someone I personally can relate to physically, Ms. Dalbesio shows arms and thighs with more flesh than you’d normally ever see in a standard campaign being ran by a high profile design house. As someone who’s read Vogue since she was 10, and yes, I know the feelings of Anna Wintour where fat people are concerned, I’ve seen the marked changes in the advertorial pieces over the past 32 years or 384 issues.

For me, it’s a return to the day of the SuperModel — Cindy, Naomi, Linda, Christy, Helena, and Claudia. Yes, they were all still very thin and fit sample sizes, but they weren’t the sylphs of today. Sample sizes have decreased due to the increased demand in smaller and smaller sizes. It’s the literal photoshopping of clothing using scissors and poor judgment, meaning the models have to take drastic measures and eat tissues or cotton balls soaked in orange juice (yes, I’m serious) which prevent them from gaining weight, yet they feel full.

People were even more outraged by the photo of her stance in the photo, as if she were sucking her stomach in and trying to make it concave. But was it Calvin Klein demanding this shot? The photographer? Or was it society?

I’m hedging a lot on society at large. Where a woman with thighs that touch, larger breasts and a tiny belly pooch are considered plus-size.

The real problem is not “size zero”. The real problem is that we live in a neurotic, miserable society with a deeply disturbed attitude to food, nurture and consumption, a society which teaches children, and particularly girls, that their growing bodies and normal desires are unacceptable and must be starved away.*

Would I like to see Calvin place a “plus-sized” model in his campaigns? Yes. I want to see every body shape and size embraced. I want my friends who are petite in height to be represented. I want my “normal friends” represented. I want my very naturally thin friends represented. My athletic friends. While I’m at it, I’d also love to see all fashion houses who produce clothing take all of these body shapes into consideration and actually create items that aren’t just their “normal clothes” sized up or down –which doesn’t work.

p.s.

Calvin Klein makes a line of plus-sized fashion. It’s not marketed, because, after all, he is the man who introduced us to Kate Moss and that would go against all the fashion police stands for.

Sources:

*http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2011/aug/02/child-anorexia-size-zero

http://time.com/3576576/calvin-klein-never-called-that-model-plus-sized-twitter-did/

Every Body is Beautiful

May 8, 2013 by Lisa 12 Comments

Every body is beautiful. That’s not a typo. I’m talking about every person walking on this planet is beautiful in their own way. It doesn’t matter what size or shape they are, they are beautiful. While you might disagree with me, it’s taken me a long time to come to this place in my life.

My friends all range in body size and shape, from waif thin to big, beautiful women. They are all beautiful.

However, now matter how beautiful I’ve always thought my friends are, I’ve never been able to look in the mirror and say “Hey, Lisa. You know what, girl? You’re pretty damn attractive. In fact, you’re beautiful.”

NEVER.

Until I made myself do it. This morning.

I threw up. (Something my husband doesn’t even know, until now. Hi babe.)

You see, I’m a big girl. For years, I’ve been shamed for my size. Even when I could still fit into the high end clothing sizes of haute couture (size 12), I was told I was too fat and wasn’t acceptable.

Let me put things in perspective. Sports Illustrated Swim Suit cover model Kate Upton is a size 12.

Yeah.

Who told me I was too fat and unacceptable? Everyone. Boys. Girls. Family members. Sales clerks in stores. People on the street. Oh, a lot of them might not have said it to my face. But they told me. I’ve had their looks. I’ve seen them turn away from me. Sales clerks will willingly help my “normal” sized husband, but they pretend I don’t exist. Servers in restaurants don’t assume my husband and I are together and always ask if we’d like separate checks or just bring us separate checks.

No. I’m not kidding you.

But, I’m also not the only person with this story. There are a million other big women with this story. There are also just as many women, thin, medium sized, and all sizes in-between with the same story. Either you’re too thin and need to eat more to gain weight, or you’re too fat. Even my friends who are amazingly fit, triathletes, who run marathons, have 12% body fat, are told they are “too thin”, “too butch” and “not soft enough”. Some have even been told they are too fat.

So who fits the mold? Many would say celebrities and models. But wait. Don’t we tear them apart, because GASP! they have cellulite? Or if they are bloated from their period, the tabloids use that as fodder to say “so and so is pregnant” or is “hiding a baby bump”. God help them if they gain two pounds, because the world is going to end and they’ll never get another role, nor be in another magazine, unless it’s one shaming their weight gain. If they have a baby, they’re screwed if they don’t appear in their skinny jeans two weeks after giving birth, sipping the latest green juice and looking as if they just came back from a month long tropical holiday.

Let’s face facts, it doesn’t matter what size you are, people won’t accept it unless you fit into their preconceived mold.

Yes, there are problems that come with being overweight. There are also problems that come with being too thin. There are problems no matter what size you are. I have a physical issue (polycystic ovarian syndrome) that is part of my weight problems and there is no cure, just treatment, which to date hasn’t been successful. That’s not what this post is about. It’s not about the health ramifications, even though I’m not naive enough to say there are none. My mother is in the medical profession, believe me, I know all the issues.

What I’d love to see is love. That we love the people we see on the street. We don’t point fingers. We don’t call people skinny minnies or tell people who are overweight how “disgusting” they are.

But what is it going to take for that to happen?

It’s going to conversation. REAL conversations between people who’ve set aside their judgments to sit and listen to each other. As much as we all want acceptance by others, the conversation will be stronger when we discuss both openly and honestly. The more we learn to have self-acceptance, the less others opinions will affect us. Yet the more others lift us up instead of cutting us down, the more self-acceptance we’ll have.

I’ve had those real conversations. Even I have been guilty of posting the pictures on Facebook of Marilyn Monroe and how a “real woman” should look. That is, until I sat down and talked to my dear friend, Heather, who is a super-thin gal. She is tall. Reed thin. Beautiful. Everything I always wanted to be. Heather also has a hard time finding clothes to fit her and is more likely to lose weight than gain weight. It’s just how her body is geared. Just like mine is genetically pre-dispositioned to look like a linebacker for a professional football team.

I don’t know what it will take for the conversation to start. I’m not sure where we go with the conversation. I wonder if people are too set in their ways to follow through and have a cordial discussion about such a heated topic. But, I have to set my worries aside and do the hard thing. I have to start the conversation. If I wait for others to start, it might never happen. And not taking a chance on changing the world would be irresponsible.

An Interview with La Traviata’s Jennifer Black

February 1, 2011 by Lisa 2 Comments

This week Opera Carolina performs its production of Verdi’s La Traviata, one of the most popular operas ever produced. Based on the true love story between Alexander Dumas and Marie Duplessis, the opera is itself the basis for the story in Moulin Rouge. I recently had the opportunity to sit down with soprano Jennifer Black, who plays the lead role of Violeta Valery, Paris’ most famous courtesan.

Jennifer made her New York City Opera as Musetta in La Boeheme in 2006, and has had a string of impressive debuts in her career. From playing Lisa in the Metropolitan Opera’s 2009 production of La Sonnambula and again with the Met in 2010 as Micaela in their production of Carmen. Her complete bio can be found here.

I caught up with her after rehearsal and asked her to share her thoughts on starting out in her career, how to approach opera with newbies, and even on women’s body images. It was a delight. Her voice is as gorgeous as she is, but what really shone was the ease she made me feel, as well as her enthusiasm for sitting down to talk, even after a long rehearsal.

What type of training did you go through in college?

I didn’t start singing really until my senior year of high school. I sort of locked myself in my bedroom and sung to myself, but I didn’t want to do it front of anyone else. But vocal training with me and my undergrad teacher focused a lot on technique and developing a healthy technique. She wouldn’t let me sing above a high ‘G’ and I remember thinking “I can, I can. I want to show you.” But she wanted to make sure so we built up the middle voice and all of this stuff before going up high. And I really didn’t have any bad habits because I really hadn’t learned how to sing quite yet. So I really lucked out with the teacher I had in undergrad. We got along really well, I understood her vocabulary because sometimes that can be a real barrier between teacher and student if they learned different vocabulary and a set of terms you’re not familiar with. But I did undergrad for 5 years and a lot focused on technique and languages and stuff like that.

If I wanted to bring an adult and “break the ice” of the opera to them, which one would you suggest?

La Traviata or La Boheme, I would say either.

What has been your favorite role to date?

Actually I’d have to say Violetta. Mimi and I get along really well (I talk about my characters like they’re actual people.) Even though this is a musical rehearsal you still have to “get into it” at a certain level. But Violetta has been through so much. She’s extremely well-educated, knowledgeable, emotional, self-sacrificing, selfless in fact. But she also realizes “Alright, I’ve had my happiness and it was great while it lasted, but it’s over.”

La Traviata’s first performance in 1873 was a failure, but now it’s listed as the #3 opera in America. Why do you think La Traviata endures?

It’s got to be the music and the story line. If you want to generalize opera as far as the story, I don’t know what sets it apart from other operas. But the music is irreplaceable. It’s Verdi.

I want to ask about Moulin Rouge. Do you think more people would attend if they knew La Traviata was the basis for the musical?

Baz Luhrmann did the Broadway version of La Bohemme. Basically it was the opera, with an up-to-date cast and an up-to-date production. So Baz Luhrmann had an interest in opera, and I’m sure he saw La Traviata and thought “This is a good story. I can use this, I can sell this.” He put it in a time that was extremely popular and very colorful. He used that as an effect to reach audiences with this fantastic story. And of course the cast was amazing…

That was my next question. Would you like to have seen a trained vocalist?

I have great respect for who do straight theater and then like in the movie “Chicago,” I have great respect for any actor/actress that decides they want to use their own voice in these things. However, speaking strictly from a career point of view, that takes away opportunities from singers. But still they’re well-known actors/actresses that sell tickets.

Also, do you feel more pressure to be a size 0?

Oh yes, you get more everyday.

Deborah Voigt didn’t get cast for a role because she couldn’t get fitted for the dress. How do you feel about that? Do you think it takes away from the performance?

I think it does. Not a lot of opera singers are built like actresses. A lot of singers have had gastric bypass, plastic surgery, etc. because they may have to wear a bikini or even be naked on stage. It’s becoming like Hollywood. You have to support your voice and there’s a delicate balance. And every body is different. Everyone has their optimum body weight, but unfortunately that optimum may not be what’s popular at a given moment.