Self-Care Antithesis

I’ve not been taking care of myself. In fact, I’ve done the opposite and let my body go down hill over the past few years. Self-care has been on the back burner until recently and even though I tell everyone they should take time for themselves, I feel like such a hypocrite for not taking enough care of me.

Friday night I went to have an MRI (of course, the machine was down, so I have to reschedule). For the past two years, I’ve had a spot on my lower back that has been going numb on and off when I stand or walk for too long. It’s kept me from exercising as much as I’d like, shopping for any length of time is out, and it’s annoying. So much for self-care.

Why did I put it off for so long? I’ll be quite honest, I’m scared. My sister has fibromyalgia and I lost my oldest friend from childhood a few years ago to brain cancer. Cue my overactive writers imagination and there you have it. What is probably something simple, and caused by a disc issue, makes me think and picture the worst. I don’t think it helps that my mother still encourages me to go to medical school and my love of reading about the science of the body.

My confessional here is done for now. I won’t know more until I have the MRI and find out the next steps. I’m hoping for simple, but intensive, physical therapy. I’m already doing exercises to strengthen my core and deep stretches for my lower back and hamstrings. I’m also soaking in the tub, more than I have in years, with a book and glass of wine. It’s a start in taking better care of myself.

While I’d love to tell you do as I say and not as I do, I also realize we’re all set in our ways. But, the time I’m losing with appointments, phone calls, etc., is enough to make your head spin round.

Next time? I’ll be proactive with my personal self-care and any issues I’m having. I’m afraid waiting two years is going to give me more down time than what I’d like.