There are days I just need to let it all hang out. I’m a creative. Let me rephrase that, I’m a creative who uses both sides of her brain equally well. I made the choice to go into the creative field when I could have went into a field that uses logic and book learning. I probably would have been a sociologist, but practice only on the sidelines these days.
In Csikszentmihalyi’s 1996 seminal work, “Creativity, Flow And The Psychology of Discovery And Invention,” he stated creative individuals consist of contradictory extremes, that instead of being “individuals,” each is a “multitude.”
“Like the color white that includes all the hues in the spectrum, they tend to bring together the entire range of human possibilities within themselves.”
The tortured artists persona is a real thing and I’ve become so much more aware of it. It’s palpable.
Complexity in creativity, Csikszentmihalyi states, translates into diametrically opposed traits, meaning that creative individuals often have a combination of antithetical traits, or opposing tensions within them.
I know what I want. I have the vision of what I want to see and do professionally. However, there are times, like right now, when I’m lacking in self-confidence to such a degree I can hardly breathe. I’m worried I don’t have the talent. Curating the look I want? That’s easy. Super easy. I studied photography for four years and have a great eye for what’s aesthetically pleasing. Unfortunately, I’m having a hard time translating that into real world. Even when laser focused .
Maybe I’m questioning all of this and sending it out there, the great void that is the internet, because I had someone unsubscribe for my blog for writing too much. It’s not like they wrote me a hateful email. And if they don’t get that writer’s write, I can’t help them. But unsubscribe because I’m writing too much? It’s an oxymoron and one nagging at me.
My friend Jim calls it “the beast.” You know what? The beast is a bitch. He told me to “trust in the process.” I’m having a hard time figuring out that process and making it work for me. But is it because I lack vision and the creativity to carry it off? Or is it because I am afraid of failing.
I know a lot of people would tell me NOT to write this here. It won’t make me as “marketable.” To the naysayers, I say bite me. Because if I’m going to be absolutely honest with you, then you’ve got to know how I’m feeling and what it’s taking for me to get through the process and develop and hone my vision for you, my faithful readers.
As I was writing this, my dear friend, TFEB, wrote this on my Facebook wall. So, I did exactly what any good water sign would do: burst into tears. It makes me think the vision I’m working on and developing is on track. I certainly hope so. It’s taken me a long time to develop it and I’m just starting bits and pieces of implementation.
Austin Kleon is an artist and writer I turn to when I’m struggling. He wrote a book called “Steal This Art”. He let me, and anyone else, steal his work so I can share with you. I try to abide by this list, but when self-doubt kicks in, it’s a needed reminder.